God didn’t want a man to be alone, so He created a woman out of one of Adam’s ribs, and Adam called her woman. God made woman from Adam’s side indicating that woman was to walk side by side with her husband. She wasn’t to lead him nor was she to walk behind him, but the two were to be in unity. God said the woman was to be her husband’s helpmeet. A helpmeet was to be comparable to Adam, meaning someone similar or equal to. Men are to love and cherish their spouse, but some are abusing their wives or girlfriends. Sadly to say some are Christians, behind the pulpit and ministers. First, let me say this, if you’re not married, you shouldn’t be living with someone that isn’t your husband. If he loves you enough to live with you, then he should love you enough to place a ring on your finger and make your relationship be honorable before God. Abuse is on the rampage and the statistics are growing. The definition of domestic violence is verbal, physical, emotional, psychological, and sexual. Domestic violence is the leading cause of death for women each year. Many times women stay with their abusers because they feel like there is no way out. The majority of women that stay in an abusive relationship are women with children, teenagers, and middle age. Domestic violence occurs in all cultures and races, it has nothing to do with a person’s educational or financial background. Abuse comes in different forms, and sometimes the person being abused has been tormented for years before they realize they are being abused. Let’s look at some common types of abuse.
Verbal—Occurs when one person uses words and body language to inappropriately criticize another person. Verbal abuse often involves put-downs and name-calling intended to make the victim feel they are not worthy of love or respect. If the person speaks up against the statements made, they are often told the criticisms were “just a joke”. Sometimes the person is told that no abuse is happening; that it’s “all in their head”. Verbal abuse is often not recognized as abuse, therefore it can go on for an extended period of time. Meanwhile, the victim has low-esteem, or no esteem or self-worth. If children are in the home this could also cause them to think this is the way a person should be treated and the child will grow up going through the same cycle.
Psychological—Also known as mental abuse occurs when one person controls information available to another. Mental abuse can be in the form of having recurring thoughts such as:
- Jim has no right to do that.
- I had better not tell Jim or he will be mad again.
- I better keep this private to avoid being criticized again.
- I can never do anything right with Jim.
- I can’t stand it when Jim does that to me.
- Sometimes I think Jim is tearing me apart with his mouth.
- When Jim talks to me like that, I feel really small.
These are indicating signs that you’re in an abusive relationship. Mental abuse can also make you feel as though you’re the one that’s in the wrong. Maybe if you wouldn’t have done or said that, they wouldn’t be angry.
Emotional—Abuse can be in the form of:
- Extramarital affair
- Provocative behavior with the opposite sex
- Humiliation and put-downs
- Refusal to communicate
- Use of sarcasm and an unpleasant tone of voice.
- Unreasonable jealousy
- Extreme moodiness
- Dominating and controlling.
- Withdrawal of affections.
- Restrains you from having finances.
Physical— Abuse occurs when one person afflicts physical pain or threatens physical force to intimidate another person. Physical abuse may involve slaps, pushes or it may involve a full physical beating complete with punching, kicking, choking, hair pulling and scratching. So many women feel if the person only slaps them, it’s ok, but if you are being slapped, you’re being abused. Usually slapping is just the beginning; later the abuser will begin to forcefully hit the person.
Don’t let anyone hit you and tell you they love you. Listen when they are talking to you, see if your mate is using different words of abuse in his conversation. Every second of the day, a woman is being beaten or dying because of abuse. Mental and emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse, it doesn’t leave a mark on your body, but it leaves a mark on you emotionally and mentally. If you’re in an abusive relationship there is hope and there is a way out. Don’t let your spouse or yourself convince you otherwise.
Because of the high percentage of abuse, there are many agencies that will assist women that are in abusive relationships. If you’re not afraid to take a stand for your respect and health, you need to seek assistance. Don’t stay in a relationship that can cause your death. Don’t feel sympathy for your abuser, that’s another reason women stay in an abusive relationship. Women are suffering from psychological disorders because of being abused for years and now some of them are living in homes for people with mental disorders because of the trauma they endured to their bodies and minds. It is not God’s will for you to be abused and mistreated.
People will only do to you what you allow them to do. If you’re too afraid to speak up for yourself and not allow people to treat you any kind of way, you need to seek help and find it fast! It’s not God’s will for you to be mistreated or abused. You can pray for God to deliver you, but once you pray you must make some plans, and God will direct you in how to get out of your dilemma. Don’t think God is going to come down and walk you out of your dilemma, but He will direct you in how to get out of an abusive relationship, either by you standing up and informing your abuser you will no longer accept the abuse or God will deliver you from your abuser by you leaving, and not accepting the abuse. Think about your life and if you have children, think about their lives and their security.