God didn’t want a man to be alone, so He created a woman out of one of Adam’s ribs, and Adam called her a woman. God made a woman from Adam’s side, indicating that woman was to walk side by side with her husband. She wasn’t to lead him, nor was she to walk behind him, but the two were to be in unity. God said the woman was to be her husband’s helpmeet. A helpmeet was comparable to Adam, meaning someone similar or equal to. Men are to love and cherish their spouses, but some abuse their wives or girlfriends. Sadly to say some are Christians behind the pulpit and ministers. First, let me say this, if you’re not married, you shouldn’t be living with someone that isn’t your husband. If he loves you enough to live with you, he should love you enough to place a ring on your finger and make your relationship honorable before God. Abuse is on the rampage, and the statistics are growing. The definition of domestic violence is verbal, physical, emotional, psychological, and sexual. Domestic violence is the leading cause of death for women each year. Often, women stay with their abusers because they feel like there is no way out. The majority of women that stay in abusive relationships are women with children, teenagers, and middle age. Domestic violence occurs in all cultures and races; it has nothing to do with their educational or financial background. Abuse comes in different forms, and sometimes the person being abused has been tormented for years before they realize they are being abused. Let’s look at some common types of abuse.
Verbal—Occurs when one person uses words and body language to inappropriately criticize another person. Verbal abuse often involves put-downs and name-calling intended to make the victim feel they are not worthy of love or respect. If the person speaks up against the statements made, they are often told the criticisms were “just a joke.” Sometimes the person is told that no abuse is happening, that it’s “all in their head”. Verbal abuse is often not recognized as abuse. Therefore, it can go on for an extended period. Meanwhile, the victim has low esteem or no esteem or self-worth. If children are in the home, this could also cause them to think this is the way a person should be treated, and the child will grow up going through the same cycle.
Psychological—Also known as mental abuse, one person controls information available to another. Mental abuse can be in the form of having recurring thoughts such as:
- Jim has no right to do that.
- I had better not tell Jim, or he will be mad again.
- I better keep this private to avoid being criticized again.
- I can never do anything right with Jim.
- I can’t stand it when Jim does that to me.
- Sometimes I think Jim is tearing me apart with his mouth.
- When Jim talks to me like that, I feel really small.
These are indicating signs that you’re in an abusive relationship. Mental abuse can also make you feel as though you’re the one that’s in the wrong. Maybe if you wouldn’t do or say that, they wouldn’t be angry.
Emotional—Abuse can be in the form of:
- Extramarital affair
- Provocative behavior with the opposite sex
- Humiliation and put-downs
- Refusal to communicate
- Use of sarcasm and an unpleasant tone of voice.
- Unreasonable jealousy
- Extreme moodiness
- Dominating and controlling.
- Withdrawal of affections.
- Restrains you from having finances.
Physical— Abuse occurs when one person afflicts physical pain or threatens physical force to intimidate another person. Physical abuse may involve slaps and pushes or a full physical beating complete with punching, kicking, choking, hair pulling, and scratching. So many women feel that if the person only slaps them, it’s ok, but you’re being abused if you are being slapped. Usually, slapping is just the beginning; later, the abuser will begin to forcefully hit the person.
Don’t let anyone hit you and tell you they love you. Listen when they are talking to you; see if your mate uses different words of abuse in his conversation. Every second of the day, a woman is being beaten or dying because of abuse. Mental and emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse, it doesn’t leave a mark on your body, but it leaves a mark on you emotionally and mentally. There is hope in an abusive relationship, and there is a way out if you’re in an abusive relationship. Don’t let your spouse or yourself convince you otherwise.
Because of the high percentage of abuse, many agencies will assist women in abusive relationships. If you’re not afraid to take a stand for your respect and health, you need to seek assistance. Don’t stay in a relationship that may cause your death. Don’t feel sympathy for your abuser, that’s another reason women stay in an abusive relationship. Women are suffering from psychological disorders because of being abused for years and now some of them are living in homes for people with mental disorders because of the trauma they endured to their bodies and minds. It is not God’s will for you to be abused and mistreated.
People will only do to you what you allow them to do. If you’re too afraid to speak up for yourself and not allow people to treat you any kind of way, you need to seek help and find it fast! It’s not God’s will for you to be mistreated or abused. You can pray for God to deliver you, but once you pray you must make some plans, and God will direct you in how to get out of your dilemma. Don’t think God is going to come down and walk you out of your dilemma, but He will direct you in how to get out of an abusive relationship, either by you standing up and informing your abuser you will no longer accept the abuse or God will deliver you from your abuser by you leaving, and not accepting the abuse. Think about your life and if you have children, think about their lives and security.